Life

The sound of the alarm goes off,

A sequence of the day starts processing through her head

She knows for a fact what lies ahead

But she gets up anyway

Her two feet touches the cold marble floor

She masters her muscles to go a step further

To lift her ass off her soft cushioned haven

To start a journey her heart tells her not to

She lights her cigarette; inhale the fumes that she knows would kill her

It’s the only thing that keeps her, helps her get out of her apartment

She slumbers to boil hot water, to brew a cup of coffee

She contemplates on taking a crap, for she might just fall back to sleep in the process

The warm water touches her face, the soothing sensation it brings

She starts to ponder, what can she do differently today?

What can she do to make the sequence seem up beat a little?

How can she change the system? Is this destined to be?

Glories of ideas rattle in her head, every morning and every night before she heads off to bed,

Somehow or rather, it seems it’s just impossible for the plane to take off on its own

Maybe it’s the steep miscalculation or maybe it’s a horrible idea to begin with.

Perhaps it’s the ever so inevitable consequences of dreams

She finally gets in her ride, a short one which seems too long

The music blasting rhythm into her mundane life

She is at ease, thinking of nothing accept the beats that strings her synapses

She starts again, prancing to reach her destination

For whatever reason, it hardly matters; it’s the beginning of another day……

C.C 09

The Unexplainable

The anger residing within

Yet the yearning for this being

The bewilderment towards the reaction

The time it took for demolishment

The constant rage for expectations

The stepping on issues as an attack

Is imperfection so sinful?

Is a different perception so hard to swallow?

The comfort, the hurt, the smiles, the contradiction

Unable to comprehend the magnitude of what has become

A different side to someone

Horrified and in dismay she swallows her hopes and assumptions

She flees to avoid disruption of her own being

Sinking deep into thought does little

Reflecting cause’s umpteen questions

Countless lyrics and tunes stops time

Reality strikes back and puzzles the mind once again

Actions are belittled, words are transparent

Antagonizing echoes sends a disturbed return

She chooses not to dwell any further

Broken pieces are discarded for a reason….

C.C 08′

SHE

She is not the person you think she is,

She can never be the person you want her to be,

She is rarely truly elated when she laughs,

She seldom does say what is on her mind,

She speaks what you want to hear most of the time,

It was an appropriate act at that given time, at that point of time.

She is all about satisfying others,

She is all about facades,

She is all about the emotions that surround her.

She is all about pleasing the people around her.

She restricts herself from being pulled into the unknown,

She admits defeat when it’s the right time,

She is fond of being the center of attention certain times.

However, runs when it’s at its peak.

She is humiliated yet proud of her flaws as they make her who she is.

She envies perfection, thus the zeal to strive for perfection.

Whether she gets there or not depends entirely up to her,

For she is one who works alone,

She fancies art as it brings her to a whole different level,

She admires talent as hers was not developed,

She resents weakness, however empathizes,

Compliments engages her but does not buy her,

Challenges intrigues her, uniqueness baffles her…..interest her,

She is desperate for love, love from the right one, the chosen one,

However shuns it, as it is not her forte.

She exudes strength and confidence to others

Truth is known to those close to her

She transcends the meaning of independence

She excels in the area of her field.

Only a chosen few mean the world to her…

She bursts, full of energy when on cloud nine

At that point, she enjoys being transparent

At that point, she welcomes anything. She is free…

C.C 08′

Listen…

Vengeance is an idle form of grief.

Guilt is a piteous attribute of weakness.

Rage is a pathetic excuse for a reaction.

Power is knowledge, be focus and driven, results will follow…

To love maturely is to see beyond the physical and status.

To love wisely is to fall for character and flaws.

To accept wholesomely is to celebrate their mistakes.

To make a commitment is a form of certainty.

Never let love cloud your judgment,

Instead let love be part of the verdict.

Give strength to those who need it,

The more you give, the more you receive.

Adhere to rules, break a few, tell the story, be the hero.

Excellence calls for perfection, perfection calls for fineness.

Richness overwhelms principles, value reduces sin, and sin accompanies wealth.

The secret remedy to life is not to live it, but to have something worth living for.

C.C 08’

In a Fix

Buried in her own submission and fear,

She began counting down for the inevitable,

Clearly aware that if she ignored the alarming bells she heard,

The control and focus would no longer be attainable,

Beads of perspirations melted before her,

Her chest, a sudden stiff… then struggled for air,

Racing thoughts engulfed her thinking box, gasp…

Why her? Composure and serenity, where were they?

Did she give herself sufficient time?

Did she oversee the process repeatedly, made sure everything was covered?

Did she plan ahead for the impossible?

Was this an attack from behind?

Clenching fist, churning belly, blinking eyelids…

She had no choice; she was way out of her league,

She searched frantically for the nearest escape,

A tunnel beam hit the center of her eyes

There were the answers, there were the solutions

She had gain new sight,

She was no longer blind from the happenings around her,

She stood upfront, admired her mistakes and dusted her garment,

She was ready to face the world….she was saved…..

C.C08′

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The Estranged Killer

It was her desire to be craved, her raging hunger for love,

The yearning that evolved into a passion, the passion that none dared breathe about,

If it was a sin to covet this glowing ardour, she was the most affronting soul alive,

For her manifestation of the burning sensation that set her apart from the rest, would be the one to kill her when she laid abreast,

The inability to clock in her deserving rest, the disruption of her daily practices,

Her focus laid upon one demurring soul which deemed her as immobilized for the day,

The sunsets no longer drew a calming affection against her chest,

The cool ambiance of the waves no longer held her in exasperation,

Instead, the luscious beast inside her rose for devourer of the timid,

She subtly licked up her salivation, to live through another sane day, another acceptable day,

For she knew if she quenched her ever longing desire for the one,

Life would never ever be the way it was…..

Avid for pleasure still immensely twirling inside her throne,

She chose the latter and remained compose,

She finally twigged what her senses were telling her and eloped,

Gracefully beneath her covers where she laid still in solace,

Wandering what could have been…

A desire, a killer of her own being,

Such power, such insanity, unknown…

Only in the depths of her eyes, tells this unheard of story ….

C.C. 08’

A Typical Day

Shadows of paintings seemed to be clouding my vision

Each and everyone of them catching my attention with the same degree of intensity

Flickering lights caused sparks to burst inside my mind

Trying to segment the thoughts in my head, as it overloads continually

To plan and structure were the least of my abilities

As the clutter contributed to my comfortability

The lassitude of never knowing becomes a norm, the frustration a habit.

I questioned the process, of what brought me to the state of delirium…

The answers only I could tell, however, the last to know….confusing huh…yeah…it gets that way…

Predictable enough they say, strange enough I say,

The paintings may be a way of recording the journeys in life,

The paintings may be a vision of the future or a glimpse of what could have been,

Nevertheless, the sieving out of selected memories and lessons were the challenge.

I needed a system, a system that worked, that guaranteed…

I’m penning down my thoughts again, I smiled to myself

Has nothing changed? The mess only gets clearer when listed down?

(laughs) The surprises every path carries, the colours, the unknown….

It’s that time….

It is starting to wither, as I exhaust every ounce of strength left within me,

When will be the right time, when will the pictures fall neatly on my lap?

When will the filtering process be effortless, when will the existence justify its cause?

Time they say, faith some say, power others carry, thoughts I form, I keep, I make my own….until that day, what we find the hardest to carry causes for immediate attention, immediate love, immediate sacrifice, immediate…..immediate….

C.C 08′

Closed

There are no emotions left, hardly any sense of pleasure could be derived from a touch,

A closed locket, too sealed and frozen in the cold, it takes more or never for it to open,

Left that part of life ancient centuries ago, how then does some one move back and start all over,

There is no interest left, just a beaming kid filled with excitement and dreams,

There the path presents itself once again, this time what should the walkway be,

Uncertainty or rigidity?

C.C 08′

The Distance

My eyes are open

My mind set free

Was once hiding in a corner

Now brave enough to release

Sheltering was comforting

It was not who i was

Tingling sensation when around you

Lurred me out of my shell

The distance is…..a blessing in disguise

Desire radiates for a particular you

The episodes keep reeling in the chapter has just begun

Sappy old love songs

Creates the height of emotion

The peek, delirium and overflooded elation

Finally, the step down i take to reality

Is a hard slap on the face

I am contented with friendship…

I say again the distance is a blessing….thats all it would ever be.

C.C 08′

Reflections

When I have not written for a long time, I would trace back to the earlier posts just to gauge how far I have grown. To my amazement, it has been one hell of a ride.

As i look back, I feel the change and recognized the person I once was. It is really intriguing to witness your life fall apart numerous times and how you as a person conquered the  battles and  can proudly stand firm this present day. Honestly,  this reflection alone can be a splendid therapy session.

I am starting to value myself as I picture my strength as my greatest asset and the people around me for putting up with a mule like me.

I have been traveling a path, an uncertain path filled with excitement, agitation, joy, stress and  thrill.  I am made to make my own decisions and am made to think of my toes, multi-task, plan ahead and of course enjoy in any way I deem as fun and relaxing. I have adopted this quote of positive thinking which seems to contradict my pessimistic nature but I am learning to evolve.

Responsibilities, priorities and values still standing firm. My lord has put me through and carried me on his back many a times. My love ones have made me look forward to life despite it being difficult. I feel blessed, I am blessed, not because of the things around me, not because of a strike of fortune but because I choose to see life in a certain way, the way I want it to be and because I work hard to achieve what I want life to be.

One thing that hasn’t change is that I still believe firmly that love puts us through the day.

Challenges and obstacles will keep on coming. That is what ‘they’ were meant to do. We were born to be put on a 24 hour, 365 days a year examination. So far most of us have done pretty darn good…those who are still surviving that is… ( struggling counts )
If you are struggling, don’t give up, hang on. Someone will witness your determination and and admire it, they will give you that well deserving raise or promotion…
If your crying out in agony, someone will hear your plea for help…and come to your aid.
Don’t list down the things you don’t have but what you already have and what you are planning to get. Sounds alike…read carefully, there’s a difference.

C.C 08′